Katie Bieker

Author – Science, Environment, Travel, Children's Books

Papal Rap

st johnOur girls’ Godmother teaches Religious Education at our Catholic church. Now she, like I, was raised not in the tradition of pope and priest, but of potluck. She’s had to frantically research and study this “Pope Thing” so as to properly educate her students. Her goal is to remain a covert convert and appear an expert. My goal is for her to entertain the kiddos and embarrass herself. Sooo…. I wrote her a rap.

I try to be a learned Catholic.
I was a Lutheran, but no more.
But nowadays I know what’s what
And usually what it’s for!

But picking a new pope…
Now I’m way out of that loop!
But don’t worry, I surfed Wiki
And immersed in the Holy Scoop.

So the Cardinals make selections,
Then give each card a poke.
And if the votes don’t add up
The whole thing’s up in smoke!

Black Smoke.
That’s important.

One time they took the roof off
To rush the Cards along.
Other times they limit snack intake!
It seems silly, but they can’t be wrong!

Because picking the Pope’s important.
He leads the way and makes decrees.
So they consider Cards from miles around,
Not their friends and families.

The Popes used to rule not just The Church,
But lots of land and money.
There were times when they could marry.
Now doesn’t that seem funny?

They used to use a silver hammer
When the Pope was reported dead.
They’d call his name out loud three times
While they bonked him in the head!

These odd traditions and rules
Keep The Church on the up and up.
This was particularly important
Back when the papacy was corrupt.

It’s been exciting to learn this process,
Even when the details get muddy.
We should talk about it and explore our faith,
It’s an opportunity for prayer and study.

This rap will be performed this evening at St. John’s, but I believe the tickets are sold out. © Katie Bieker, 2013.


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