Author – Science, Environment, Travel, Children's Books
I become worried about the pace and schedule of my life when I start really missing the people I see all the time.
I miss my husband. The husband I had lunch with for an hour today. But what did we talk about? Was I able to shut out work and logistics and money and current events long enough to make eye contact with the poor guy? I know that I remember nasty Fox News being on the TV directly above his head at the restaurant. Dammit. He dropped me off at work and I immediately missed him. It was as if we’d wasted a precious hour that we could have spent together.
New Rule #1: No TV at lunch even if that means ditching “our” bar. And NO CELL PHONES. And we all know when to pick up the kids and which dental card should be the primary and that guns suck… let’s talk about vacations. And our kids. And our dreams for the future. … or play the little trivia cards, that’s permissible.
I miss my children even though I’m looking at them right now. They are content and playing and I’ve been interacting with them this evening. But it doesn’t seem like enough. I miss them. I want to make each page we color and each book we read last forever. I am so very excited that I’ll be with them for the next two days. I’m a little worried about the full schedule we’re facing this weekend. I don’t want to go back to work Monday morning feeling like I didn’t see them.
New Rule #2: Enact our favorite day-planning technique: “Mommy and Me Time”. Using the egg timer for regulation, 15 minutes of every 45 is theirs; my undivided attention. And more book reading this weekend. And board games. And snuggling. And it’s high time I fish their colored pencils out of the air return…
I miss my friends, one in particular. I really want to talk to her. She hurt my feelings badly a couple of days ago. Would she really have attended a cancer benefit without even telling me? Does she even notice how involved I’m trying to be? How much work I’m doing? How I need to feel that I’m helping? Was she intentionally leaving me out? I know it was in my head and that I wouldn’t have felt so hurt and unappreciated if only we could have talked. I miss her. Tossing words while passing in the halls at work is not quality dialogue.
New #3: Don’t assume based on sound bites. Until we can talk for longer than 3 minutes, recall the words of the long conversations that built our relationship and repeat, “I know her better than that” ad nauseum.
I don’t know how to best quantify quality of time. But I do know that I shouldn’t feel lonely when I’m surrounded by so much love. I believe I can repair this quickly. Wish me luck; I’m off to reconnect.