Katie Bieker

Author – Science, Environment, Travel, Children's Books

Visiting Grandma

Today I went to my grandmother’s house.  When I sat on her lap, I could smell her perfume like baby powder and flowers.  Grandma’s voice is soft and crackly and her teeth crunch a mint candy.  Grandma shows me an album of pictures. I see pictures of her with long dark hair and a smooth rosy face. She is with a little girl who is my mommy. It is funny to see Mommy when she was my age. She looked just like me!

If you are a book publisher or literary agent, it would be my pleasure to share the entirety of this story with you.  Please do not hesitant to contact me.

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4 comments on “Visiting Grandma

  1. katmwehr
    January 27, 2013

    It’s a great concept. I just noticed one hiccup when I read through it.
    Is your audience small children? Likely first-time or very early, beginning readers?
    If so, you just have to watch your vocabulary. I teach high school English, and words like “frail” and “familiar” are (believe it or not) vocabulary and spelling words for 9th graders. Granted, they’re low-level ninth graders, but I use middle grade lists for them.
    My biggest suggestion would then be to tone down the language to something more on the level of a young child. I’m thinking this story is geared toward preschool or kindergarten, perhaps? So keep your vocab at that level.
    Another thing too… preschoolers aren’t thinking about being grandparents someday. Most of the child’s observations were about how the grandmother looks in comparison to him/herself, which is more accurate for that age. I understood what you meant, that the child idolizes the grandmother, but I think it would be better explained in a way like, “Will I look like grandma one day?”
    Just some thoughts to consider. If I’ve completely misjudged your target age group, disregard these comments accordingly. 🙂 Best of luck!

    • mkbieker
      January 27, 2013

      This is really, really great. Thank you so much for your suggestions. I will probably be posting a rewrite soon.

  2. Katie Bieker
    January 28, 2013

    I have posted an update of “Visiting Grandma”. If you have a chance to tell me what you think, I would be grateful. Thanks again for your helpful feedback.

  3. Pingback: Reintroducing Grandma | Katie Bieker

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This entry was posted on January 27, 2013 by in Writings and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

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