Author – Science, Environment, Travel, Children's Books
When I came home from work I was struck by the calm cool of the woodwork all around me and the bouncing and giggling of my little girls. This is bliss. And thank God that it is because it was another awful day at work ending a terrible week.
All I asked in life was to make a difference. Coming out of high school I assumed that my legacy would be that of scientific discovery. I would make revolutionary contributions to society’s growing body of knowledge. With my turbulent brain chemistry constantly sabotaging my efforts, it became apparent that success in academia was not a possibility.
In an attempt to still use the science that I loved, while recouping my finances and self-esteem, I started down the medical path getting my CNA credentials and working a couple years in nursing homes.
Once I was married and pregnant, it was time to get a big girl job. I started working as a medical assistant full-time at a pediatric practice.
But wait! I wasn’t done dreaming; I really was going to make a difference in people’s’ lives. Once my firstborn was a toddler I went back to school to get certified to teach Secondary Biology.
Wrong again. The computer lady left the practice and they found out that I can type. They offered me a life changing salary that would mean a real house; our dream house no less. It would mean a back yard and a sweet ride and an end to financial strife… so I took the job, quit school again and brought forth another Baby Bieker.
So here I am. The calm cool woodwork in the house I will grow old in. The pure delight of being a mom. But the husband I adore works 2nd shift we don’t see each other nearly enough. When all is said and done, it will be each other and our girls that we remember the most. Home and family is the cornerstone of our life and it deserves more attention.
Although I am grateful for my job, and although my bosses and coworkers are like family, I am not making a difference. Not only am I not making a difference, but I’m making people’s lives worse! I represent the devices everyone hates, that slow them down and drive them nuts. I pledge to try my best to do the impossible and then look like an idiot for not being able to pull it off.
The one person who doesn’t like me is really good at rubbing salt into the wound. He is mean. Mean in the playground bully, lie about you, blame you, make fun of you, take jabs where it will really hurt kind of way.
So it’s time for a change. It’s been a little over two years since I took this job. Some days really are great, but, the days that are bad are really bad. And I don’t need to quit. I don’t hate it. I just need more.
So… my next harebrained idea to make an impact is by writing. I have dozens of ideas for kids’ books in my head and I have a plan. I know it seems crazy. I would agree. But I have to keep moving forward. I cannot handle the idea that I took this job for money and that is where I will stay for the rest of my life. Ick. I have to believe that it is temporary and that I still have a chance of having a meaningful, impactful career. So as of today, this rather non-ideal gig is no longer my career. I am an author with a day job at a doctor’s office. Mentally, this will make all the difference in the world.
I am giving this a try to give me hope. To utilize my potential. To give me an outlet. To write myself out of a rut one book at a time.